Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The dangers of sneezing

There's a mass epidemic of sneeze-related incidents happening all over America and it could affect you.

The first victim was my coworker, who, upon sneezing, managed to bruise a rib. It took just one hard sneeze to send her to the hospital. Imagine what it could do to you.

Then I read the following article in which a Boston driver nearly lost his life when a single sneeze derailed his truck and sent it into the Charles River.

Read: Driver loses control after sneeze, hits river - AP

So in light of this epidemic I've taken some precautions to avoid sneeze-induced disaster. You may want to consider the following options for yourself.

  1. Avoid pepper at all costs. This includes, black, red, white, and cayenne. You might want to avoid Dr. Pepper, too, just to be safe.
  2. Avoid the outdoors as much as possible. There are literally tons of allergens just waiting to wreak havoc on your nose.
  3. Buy anything and everything that says the word "hypoallergenic" on it. It has a cool Grecian prefix so who cares if it's just an advertising term with no medical definition.
  4. Avoid the indoors as much as possible. There are literally tons of allergens just waiting to wreak havoc on your nose.
  5. Consider stuffing your nose with cotton balls or shutting your nostrils via the use of a clothespin. Just make sure you buy hypoallergenic cotton.
If you follow my advice you just might avoid a sneeze-related catastrophe. A sneeze-tastrophe if you will.

Sneeze-tastrophe. It could happen to you.

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