These phrases and more have been plaguing my mind as of late. I've been trying to fight them off, but, without fail, they always make their appearance right before I set to accomplish some substantive undertaking.
I had the same self-defeating thoughts in the days preceding the Tulsa Blogathon. The Blogathon itself was a sizable undertaking in its own right and I definitely had my doubts about pulling it off. However, those concerns were nothing in comparison to the certainty in my mind that I wouldn't be able to pull off the 5K run on that Saturday.
I had already signed up and paid for the St. Patrick's Day Run so I felt committed in that sense. But with minimal training and considering the shape I was in, I had very little to no confidence that I could actually complete a full five kilometers.
I doubted myself. I had no confidence in my running abilities. I was convinced I would end up collapsed on the side of road, dehydrated, losing my breakfast, and attended to by a team of paramedics. I'm serious. That scenario played over and over in my head countless times leading up to the big day.
For those who followed our antics in Tulsa during the Blogathon already know that none of those things happened -- although I did almost lose my breakfast as soon as I crossed the finish line.
From that experience, I learned something. Doubt is a necessary precursor to success. It's just part of the package. I also learned it really helps to have a friend pushing you along the way. I seriously would not have made it without Jess running alongside me the entire course.
So now I'm taking what I learned from running a 5K and applying it to some new things I have planned for this summer.
Soles4Souls. I'll be setting up bins at the three South Valley Community Centers in Albuquerque -- Westside, Mountain View, and Los Padillas -- and talking to the kids about the importance of donating shoes.
It's a fairly straightforward project and the pieces are quickly falling into place but there's still plenty of room for my stream of doubts.
That's all I have until the first day of the shoe drive. Plenty of time to get things done but plenty of time to doubt the success of my undertaking.
But there's plenty to keep me going. More on that in another blog.
BTW - You can see all of the pictures and relive the 5K on the blog: Tulsa Memory - Running a 5K